"Life sucks and then you die". I've heard and seen this before and I always thought it to be nothing but a stupid phrase conceived by immature, emotionally unstable, pessimistic, "emo", wanna-be rebellious, arbitrarily nihilistic whiners who really had no clue what terrific things life had to offer and how much those things could override the inevitable tragedies and sufferings of life.
I was wrong. Life's nothing but one big tragedy, that happens over and over and over again, for all of eternity. I'm not talking about individuals’ lives, I'm talking about all of life in general. It's one big pointless fuck up of the universe, and the only rational thing we could possibly do to save us from the misery that we're forced to face through experiences of death, illness, pain, rejection, heart break, and incessant longing for a God, meaningful existence, love, and harmony, is to kill ourselves.
Don't worry - no one's pulling the trigger here. However, there are times when we have to realize that life all over is fucked up, microscopically and macroscopically. In so many ways, we have nothing to look forward to. Nothing to hope for. The only shred of hope we have in our minds comes from fantasy fairy tales read in books and seen on screens. Our imaginations successfully ease our pain as we drift asleep at night, and we pray and believe in all the nice things from the movies and stories we experienced when we were young, and still experience now, all about nature, beauty, love, enchantment, mystery, creation, happiness, and all of life's intangible treasures and glorious adventures.
Why do we fall for this shit? We race up to the top, and we see the glimmer of light for only a moment, and feel the warmth of something True that is above and beyond our earthly existence, and every time we think we've gotten where we're supposed to be spiritually, the clouds gather and we fall, tragically, inevitably, passively, as no great hero, with no great accomplishment, no success, and that sliver of light we imagined is forever nothing but an illusion. We're destined to fail. We've always been destined to fail and lose everything in life, even life itself. Everything ends and cycles recur, people and things are created and destroyed, we're stuck in this torturous and unbearable cage of not only inescapable fear of death, pain, our government, punishment, disease, and heart break, but also of fruitless labor, undying yearning, constant dissatisfaction, and tremendous disappointment.
What do we do with life like this? What are we supposed to make out of it? How can we even go on every day, doing our work, writing our school papers, taking our tests, building and demolishing relationships, achieving mild success paired with outstanding failure, watching fellow beings of this earth hurt and killed, knowing nothing of what existence is really for and about? How are we to truly free ourselves from this despair, this clawing anxiety, this heavy anchor in our chests that keeps us held to the world of futile hope and desperate attempts at happiness? The truth we all must face is that the only happiness that will ever exist is that which arrives upon death. The true closing of our spirit, the turning off of our brains, our feelings, our consciousness. When we end, the world ends, and when the world ends, suffering ends. Death is the ultimate transcendence. Who cares what sappy hopefuls tell stories about and inspire us with? They're wrong. They're only there to try to pull us out of suffering, by giving us art, music, theater, poetry, dance, and everything else created in order to release minute fractions of the immense pain that consumes us. All of life is nothing but constant striving to escape suffering through endless cycles of creation and destruction. And it's all meaningless. We're nothing in time, nothing in space, nothing in reality. Why don’t we just give this shit up already?