I ran across an article written by Valerie Curnow titled: “Domestic Violence Debate: It’s Not Wrong for Women to Hit Men.” Here’s the link to the article:
Obviously, I had to respond:
Feminism and the Civil Rights Movement made it illegal to discriminate against someone based on gender, race, etc. It was no longer OK to say, “She can’t do this job because she’s a woman.” It was no longer OK to say, “He can’t live in this apartment building because he’s black.” So, to discriminate in a matter of physical abuse based on someone’s gender is anti-feminist.
The writer claims the biology of the woman makes her weaker and therefore not able to hurt a man in the types of physical abuse she describes. Although her actions are criminal, her biology gives her a free pass. However, if we apply this biology principle to other situations, I think we’d see a different point-of-view from the feminists who buy into the physical abuse double standard. What if we apply the biology principle to pregnancy? What if I were to say a man can’t get pregnant, so he shouldn’t be held responsible for the pregnancy of a woman? It’s not in his biology. Just as it’s not a woman’s responsibility for how she slaps her man, it’s not the man’s responsibility for how he impregnated his woman. The woman doesn’t have to suffer the consequences of her actions as long as the man doesn’t have to suffer the consequences of his actions.
Of course the feminists will say when a man enters into a sexual relationship with a woman (no matter how long it lasts…years or seconds), it’s his responsibility to be aware of the consequences that could take place. And because he’s a willing participant in this sexual relationship, he signs a sort of social contract to help the woman in whatever way she (or the courts) requires him. However, would feminists agree that a woman willingly enters into a physically abusive relationship with a man if she hits him? Because she does. Once someone brings physical abuse into the relationship, it is no longer a healthy relationship. So, if it is right for a man to assume responsibility for the consequences of the type of relationship he enters into, wouldn’t it be right for a woman to also assume responsibility for such consequences (his ridicule from friends, emotional stress, etc.)? So, if a woman hits a man and knowingly creates a physically abusive relationship, we should hold her responsible for any beatings she may take in this physically abusive relationship. Does this seem right?
I’ve never hit a woman, and I’m a man. I’ve gotten plenty mad at certain women before, but I’ve never hit one. I have something called self-control. I understand I must solve my problems in other ways. They teach this to kids in pre-school; it’s called using your words. When I get angry, I don’t throw fists at people. Rather, I assess the situation and think of something to say in order to begin a dialogue in which the problem can be solved. When someone in a relationship hits another, it’s about control. When a man hits a woman, he’s physically controlling her. But when a woman hits a man, she’s emotionally controlling him. Physical abuse shouldn’t be judged by the degree to which someone physically hurt another.
Allowing for a double standard in physical abuse leads to the creation of a dangerous slippery slope. What could come next? A woman’s verbal abuse against her man isn’t taken as seriously because he used the word “cunt,” which is infinitely worse than anything she could have called him? A black person can’t verbally abuse anyone of another race because they have the power to call the black person “nigger,” which is more powerful and hurtful? These situations are ridiculous, but so is the physical abuse double standard.
What pisses me off more than any of this is that I even have to write this article. Why is anyone using physical abuse at all? Why can’t we just respect each other? Respect is generated from equality, that we see the other person as having the equal attributes that make us living, breathing, feeling human beings. Where can respect be seen in physically abusive relationships?