I am sick and tired of hearing lame excuses from students about missing classes.
Here are a few of the classic ones.
I had to attend a funeral.
I had to attend a funeral.
I was puking all night.
I had to meet with my landlord.
My mother has cancer.
I have to take my little brother to get his braces.
I had a flat.
I ran into a deer.
My baby puked on me.
I missed my ride to campus (student lives on campus)
Had to meet with my probation officer
Had to go to court
broke my foot
Had to chase my dog
Had to search for my cat
Had a doctor's appointment
Had to go on vacation with parents
Had to play sports
Had to meet with my advisor
We know that most of you are lying, but we give you the benefit of the doubt. Most professors have heard these type of excuses for years and they usually go in one ear and out the other. It is not that we are insensitive, we have just heard these excuses countless times.
I would love it if just for once a student would just tell me the truth. I missed your class because you are a sorry excuse for a professor, your lectures are boring as hell, and its fucking 80 degrees outside, so I elected to spend this time with my significant other sucking on beer rather than hanging out with you discussing a dead Greek dude named Socrates. Wonderful, refreshing and honest. I can deal with this!
Another thing that pisses me off is for one of you students to send me an email or come to my office and ask a really stupid motherfucking question. Drum roll please.
“Did I miss anything important in class?” Or a variation of this question. "What did I miss in class today?"
So I am supposed to summarize an entire 75-minute class in a few minutes for your highness. I really want to say – of course you did not miss anything important, all we did was sit around in a circle chanting Gregorian hymns for 75-minutes.
So here is the last one that pisses me off. One of you will inevitably come to class, usually a few minutes before class and request to speak to me in the hall outside the class, and they will ask this really stupid question. Drum roll please.
Is it alright if I miss class today, I have something really important to do?
I really want to say to them, you stupid motherfucker, you are already here, so sit your sorry ass down, shut up, and learn something. Besides, common sense should have told your sorry ass that if you are going to miss class then don’t show up period and if you do show up wrap some bandages around your pin head and fake like you have been hit in the head with the stupid stick.
I have a few more but these are enough to get the argument going.
I forgot about this one, it happened again yesterday. let me set the scene. I am wrapping up my lecture now, in the glide scope. I gave it my all today, ready to end, I am very tired and just want to go home and cool off. So in closing I ask the class - are there any questions. I look around the room but no one says a motherfucker thing, so after this, I am packing up and thinking about sucking on some beer, and inevitably one of you motherfuckers will slowly slide up to the front desk with a got damn question about the lecture I just finished. I want to say, you silly motherfucker, I just asked you - if you had any damn questions, are you hard of hearing, but I calmly and professionally answer their question while at the same time repressing an urge to slap him across the mug.
So what lies do you tell your loving professors to justify missing class. By the way, here is the best excuse to use - I have to miss class today. That is all you need to ever say to a prof. Most of them will not ask you for the reason. So try being honest!