I don't know where I'm going with this, so bear with me. A little bit ago I found out that one of my favorite mentors and great friends in graduate school got divorced. Big deal? Yeah, big deal. You see he was married for quite a long time to this lady (whom is also a great friend) and had three kids with her, the youngest is about to graduate high school. She helped put him through TWO doctorate programs and then they moved to Norway because he got a lucrative job there. He's a big shot in the field he works in and people were definitely noticing. But then some attractive research assistant caught his eye and he decided his marriage was too boring to continue. He forced the divorce through with crippling pain for his wife (totally blindsided) and his children. wtf that just makes me so mad.
The asshole let the fame and prestige of being a noted academic and intelletucal get to his head. He wanted to stay young, not settle, and not have to go home to those who weren't at his "level" of thinking. So his young, attractive, research assistant fit the bill so much better than his wife, whom he viewed as so passe. What a prick!
How do people get so unappreciative of those who stand by them through the thick and thin, that they leave them so willy-nilly?? I say that love requires a certain loyalty and a certain humility. It means that one must recognize that one has responsibilities that one cannot simply shirk because a contingent of people now think you are so special. This is an especially important point to remember for professors!
Professors enjoy a certain power and privilege over their students. And unfortunately I have heard more than my fair share of stories where a professor sleeps with a student. For shame! What's the dude thinking?!?!?! (and let's be honest, far more male professors have this problem than female professors - female profs seems to have their act together better). These profs abuse their power over a fawning student when they should just take the humble pill and wake up to the damage that one's going to do. Where's the loyality to one's own family? Where's the recognition that whatever fame and luster you may have right now will eventually fade and all that you will have left are the one's you have been faithful to? If you are faithful to none, your existence will wind up being a lonely existence.
At base it just pisses me off that profs can let their work go to their heads and hurt the people who have supported them so dearly. Where's the love? Profs need to check their pants, check their humility, and constantly keep their loved ones in the forefront of their minds.
it's all about sex.
ReplyDeletewhen it comes down to it, what do people (particularly men) want to do in life? have sex.
clearly, for many, love is not on the agenda, while sex is.
So what should we expect from a guy who obviously feels great about himself and his accomplishments, and encounters an attractive young woman who wants his you-know-what?
This type of stuff happens all of the time, and my guess is that when husbands/boyfriends cheat, they don't actually get caught most of the time.
I don't think it's fame and power and whatnot going to the guys head that makes him cheat, however. I think given the right opportunity, a man will cheat regardless of his social status, if he is going to cheat at all.
shrug. you have no idea what actually happened, judgey-pants. every story has two sides. men cheat, women cheat, professors and astronauts and plumbers cheat. maybe the marriage was pretty much over anyway. maybe she cheated first. is it really any of your business? whole lot of assumptions going on here.
ReplyDeleteI have a few thoughts on this matter.
ReplyDeleteLoyalty to one person may be hot wired into our brains. Granted that more research is needed, but consider the prairie vole. When a male vole mates with the female a hormone called vasopressin is released in his brain and binds to receptors in a part of the brain called the nucleus acumbens. This is experienced as pleasure and is associated with the female, thus binding the two together for life.
Men have a similar hormone and studies have been done with interesting results, not conclusive by any stretch of the imagination but it may be that certain men may be genetically disposed to stray.
Another point is the so called love drug. A real intense feeling of attachment that lasts about four years. It may be that we are pre-programmed to lose interest in a sexual partner after the time required to raise a child has passed, about 4 years or so. Sort of like foxes who pair bond for a single breeding season then they go on their merry way, separately. Divorce rates peak around 4 years or so.