I took philosophy. I took a lot of philosophy. I’m fucked up now.
I used to think the world was a fairly simple place. People. Books. My mind. The world. Truth. Simple.
But I’ve learned that the world is really complicated. Nothing is ever what it seems. Multiple ways of looking at everything. More perspectives we can ever dream of and not one of them is necessarily “right”. The world is not simple and “truth” may be more a fiction than anything else.
I learned that the world is absurd. I live in a world that has no big significance and yet I cannot help give it significance. The absurd. It’s irrational and I can’t do a damn thing about it. I have my subjectivity and consciousness, but they seem more like consolation prizes.
I spend my time thinking way too much about too many things. I didn’t before. Life was easier. Now I question even who I am at times.
I was excited about philosophy at first. I was learning to think. Maybe for the first time. But the deeper I got the more classes I took, the more wrapped up I got.
I should have taken the blue pill and woke up in my bed believing whatever I wanted to believe. Walking away. Instead I took the red pill and there is nothing left to believe.