Sunday, August 14, 2011

Michelle Bachmann 2012…hear the word of the Lord (by anon)

A possible timeline of events to come.  Let’s keep this fictional.

August 13, 2011          Michelle Bachmann wins the Ames, Iowa Republican straw poll.  Her momentum surges among Republicans.

January 14, 2012         Rick Perry gets angry at a New Hampshire town meeting.  Shouts at people for criticism of his job record in Texas.  Perry support starts to wane.

February 6, 2012         Bachmann wins Iowa’s caucuses by slim margin over Perry.  Perry avoids media.

February 14, 2012       Bachmann wins New Hampshire primary in a landslide.  Goes on to sweep the remaining Republican primaries.

August 27, 2012          National Republican Convention elects Michelle Bachmann as their presidential candidate.  Every Evangelical and non-denominational church pledge their support.  Bachmann raises $100 million in September alone.  Her campaign slogan is “Hear the word of the Lord.”

October 31, 2012         In the prior days, Bachmann expresses disdain for Halloween for its secular nature.  Thousands of churches react to intimidate trick-or-treaters to remain home.  Four children are hurt in Gary, Indiana after forcible acts were used to suppress trick-or-treating.

November 6, 2012       Bachmann vs Obama.  Bachmann emerges the winner.  People claim the unemployment rate is to blame for Obama’s failed reelection bid.  Others grow worried over rising fundamentalism.  Republicans maintain control of the House and retake control of the Senate.

January 21, 2013         Bachmann is inaugurated as the 45th President of the United States.  Bachmann devotes the day to God.  Her speech is a ten-minute prayer to God for Him to watch over His people and illuminate how to bring everyone to Him.  She repeats, “Hear the word of the Lord.”

February 14, 2013       Pres. Bachmann signs her first bill to make homosexuality illegal.  Any person judged to be homosexual or engage in any homosexual acts can be arrested and tried.  Maximum penalty: one year in prison.  “Hear the word of the Lord.”

March 29, 2013           Pres. Bachmann signs her second bill to make all abortions illegal.  Any abortion constitutes murder and will be judged as such.  “Hear the word of the Lord.”

May 9, 2013                After a key trade deal falls through with China, Bachmann criticizes China for its ungodliness and vows that God is wrathful.

June 4, 2013                Months ahead of having to vote on raising the nation’s debt ceiling again, Bachmann has Congress draft an amendment saying that the US cannot raise its debt ceiling any higher than its current state.  Markets all over the globe crash in anticipation of a major US default.  “Hear the word of the Lord.”

August 22, 2013          BBC and AP report that the world has fallen into its first global depression.

October 21, 2013         Bachmann declares that Halloween should be illegal for its secular nature.  Fundamentalist America rises in cheer.

October 25, 2013         Congress passes a bill declaring Halloween illegal.  “Hear the word of the Lord.”

October 31, 2013         Riots break out in all major cities over the separation between church and state.  People cry that Bachmann has stepped over the line way too far this time.  Bachmann meets with major church leaders to discuss future.

December 10, 2013     With congressional and senate leaders, Bachmann christens the US Government as the official mouthpiece of God.  All other faiths and beliefs that do not recognize this christening are identified as enemies of God.

January 1, 2014           Bachmann declares a new year for America, the year of the Lord.  She says that tough decisions have to be made to insure the well-being of God’s people.  As a first step, California, Oregon, and Washington are severed from the Union.  They are declared too secular and liberal for a healthy America.  “Hear the word of the Lord.”

January 2, 2014           Massive protests erupt on the West Coast.  All military forces are called to handle the protests.  Four military personnel and two pastors are killed in the struggles.  Bachmann blames deaths on the ungodly.  She declares that bold measures must be enacted.

January 4, 2014           Military sends critical sonar signals down the San Andreas fault.  In a matter of months, 75% of the West Coast sinks below sea level.  Bachmann sends helicopters to save major church leaders.  She inaugurates a monthly radio broadcast called, “Hear the word of the Lord,” where she reads from the Bible.  Her first reading is Genesis 1-12.  She adds emphasis to the flood account.

January 5, 2014           World leaders are appalled.  The UN calls for Bachmann’s resignation or else military force would have to be used.  Bachmann refuses.

January 22, 2014         The UN countries attack the US.  In the name of the Lord, Bachmann authorizes a large-scale counter attack.

January 29, 2014         After a week of fighting, most of the US combat forces are in need of substantial repair.  Bachmann meets with church leaders to discuss path ahead.

February 1, 2014         DDAY-II.  Bachmann orders the launch of all US nuclear warheads upon all major European and Chinese cities.  The cities are decimated.  Massive radioactive clouds begin to spread over the Atlantic and Pacific oceans.

February 2, 2014         Radioactive clouds cover the planet.  All vegetation immediately dies from the rain.

February 3, 2014         Remaining scientists conclude that earth will be uninhabitable for at least a century.

February 4, 2014         Last transmission from the White House: “Hear the word of the Lord.”

February 7, 2014         My last transmission.

A fictional account.


  1. You have a very vivid imagination. This nutty post needs no response.

  2. Don't be so critical of his imagination.

    This article is a good indicator of Bachman's agenda. She is going to secure votes through churches who will be breaking their separation of church and state. These leaders should in my opinion lose all tax-exempt status for their churches and so should anyone caught preaching politics from the pulpit.

    If she is elected the things outlined in this gentleman's