I know, gross, right? Chances are that if you looked over at your spouse and made an honest assessment, she could pass as your sister. And vice-versa. If you have a male life-long partner, I bet he looks like he could be your brother. Likewise, if you are in a LGBTQ relationship, your significant other is probably going to look like a sibling.
Really. Take an honest memory tour of all the couples you know who are in serious relationships (marriage, civil unions, anything comparable). I bet the two sides of each pair looks a lot like each other. I encourage looking at the serious relationships because other relationships can be more experimental and flingy, allowing for more diversity. But by the time one “settles down” a more deliberate choice is usually made. There will certainly be many exceptions to this rule, but the rule does seem to hold. I am always amazed at how many couples look like each other.
Why am I saying this? You are incestuous perverts! No. Actually, the reason is because we like the familiar. After countless times looking into the mirror and seeing our own faces and bodies, and after the many hours spending time with one’s own family, we get used to a certain look. We get used to the general style of attire we wear, we get used to our body skins and shapes, we get used to facial, speech, gesture, and social patterns. Thus, when we finally pick someone we want to spend considerable life-long time with, we usually choose someone who fits those patterns. We pick that person because he or she already feels right. That person is familiar in all the ways your brother or sister might be familiar (just usually without all the sex stuff…hopefully…).
This doesn’t mean we are egoistical narcissists, I hope. It just means that most of us aren’t comfortable venturing too far outside our comfort zones. But that isn’t a bad thing. It just is what it is.
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